2 Days to Go

Well, what’d you expect? Situations are still the same — frustrations, confusion, anxiety, boredom. But I still have to enjoy because this will be my last carefree day.

A Prayer Answered

Today, I’m very thankful to God that He answered my prayers. Our PC was fixed just a while ago. Although I can only execute programs and not surf the net because the modem is yet to be replaced, I’m still very happy. From now on, I can type and print my assignment and projects without having to spend time and money on a computer shop. I’ll just go there to surf the net and save my work on a diskette to be edited when I got home. Isn’t that neat?

We installed the Windows XP Pro Edition operating system so that it will have a new look and feel. The technician will also lend us a CD-writer drive when he comes back so that we can burn our favorite music. What a nice surprise! Now, I just have to obtain copies of songs that I don’t have by borrowing from others, downloading, or buying them. Yes, I’m aware of piracy. That’s why I will only use the songs for my own enjoyment and not make money out of them.

I believe that everything happens in God’s due time. Thank You, Lord, for making it happen. I Love You!

For The Sake of Independence Day

We celebrate Independence Day every 12th of June. But is nationalism still practiced by us, Filipinos, the same way as our heroes and ancestors practiced before? Are we really proud of our country? Are we really proud of being Filipinos? These questions may be answered by the nice article I’ll share with you below. It was written by Dero Pedero on his Living Alive on page G-2 of the Sunday Lifestyle section of The Philippine Star dated June 12, 2005. I just got it this morning after going to church.

* * *

I LOVE/HATE THE PHILIPPINES

The weaker the country, the stronger the smile — Howard Koch, US Screenwriter

Most Filipinos love the Philippines. Why won’t they when it is the land of their birth, and home of their people? I am a Filipino and, yes, I love the Philippines. Yet with almost the same intensity (or maybe a little bit more), I hate it for all the great things it can be, which at present it isn’t.

Confusing? Well, much as I love this country with its sunny skies, fresh winds, blue seas, verdant mountains, shimmering rivers, golden plains, and smiling people, I hate it for what it has become because of what we, Filipinos, have made of it.

SECRET HATRED

Ask any Filipino what he feels about the Philippines. Of course, initially, he will share with you all the glorious reasons why he loves this country (the usual “fun-loving, hospitable people” blah-blah). If you dig deep enough, you will start to unravel a commonplace reality: That deep within every Filipino is a secret hatred for his country. To prove this shocking hypothesis, offer a Filipino a chance to work or live overseas and he’d choose that (I would surmise more than 85 percent would) hands-down over living in these perlas ng silanganan (pearl of the Orient).

Why this common sentiment? Why would the typical Filipino want to leave this sparkling, lush, tropical archipelago if he indeed loves it?

For one, life is getting harder in these supposedly paradise islands — so many people live below the poverty level as revealed in a survey made by the United Nations. The chance of improving your life and fully realizing your fondest dreams is very low, and the health and financial security you want to have during old age can’t be assured. To top it all, there is just too much politics and corruption that you can’t trust anyone anymore and begin to fear for the future of your children.

These are just a few of the reasons why many Filipinos are disenchanted by this nation. Of course, the ones who would choose to stay are the ones milking it of its resources, making a big profit, or stealing from its already distressed people.

The “hatred” that most Filipinos feel stems mainly from the frustration of feeling powerless to change the situation especially with regard to the political status of the country (even with the knowledge they can, at any time, activate people power to oust any undesirable government official). Most Filipinos have given up: “Maski sino and ilagay mo diyan, magnanakaw din (No matter who you put in power, he will also steal)!”

NATIONAL PRIDE

Now, ask any Filipino if he is proud to be a Filipino. Chances are he would not know what to answer. We all have had our little brushes (abroad, especially) with co-Filipinos who find it more convenient and status-uplifting to claim to be of some other nationality except Filipino. I, myself, fear for the direction our youth are taking — they’d rather rap in scarily precise black-speak and wear snow caps (in the tropic heat!), have their pierced navel peeping through their blouse and jeans a la Britney, buy P25,000 tickets to an F4 concert, and swoon over Korean telenovelas.

Deep in our hearts, we Filipinos want to be proud of our country and ourselves. But what is there to be proud of? What are the newspaper headlines and top stories of TV network news that those high-strung newsreaders are barking? Negative, depressing news. Killings, graft, corruption, exposés, gossip, and inanities. Rarely anything that would extol national pride. You can’t have national pride if there is nothing to be proud of.

I LOVE

These I love: Our naturally beautiful islands and beaches (until soda pop bottles, beer cans, and junk-food wrappers ruin the ecology and mar the view). The naturally golden heart of the Filipino. Filipino music. (We all sing and dance so well! But I hate the double entendre and vulgar Spaghetti, Bulaklak, and Basketball variety, if you know what I mean!)

Filipino food, despite its being a culinary expert and dietitian’s nightmare: Oily, salty, fatty, mostly brown in color (think adobo, dinuguan, paksiw na lechon). Mangoes, leche flan, carabao milk ice cream, halo-halo, anything cooked in coconut (yummy!). Christmas in the Philippines (over three glorious months of celebration from November till Valentine’s Day).

I salute Dolphy (for refusing to enter politics), Rosa Rosal (for her commendable charity work), Gloria Romero (so real and unaffected!), and Pilita Corrales ( a wacky and truly wonderful person!). I am glad there is Mayor Lito Atienza and his successful Buhayin ang Maynila campaign, and the silent but amazingly effective MMDA chairman Bayani Fernando. (I was able to make Makati to Cubao in 15 minutes ― a miracle!)

I love it that when you hiss “Pssst!”, Filipinos look back. Abroad, that’s how you can tell Pinoys from the rest of the pack.

I HATE

I hate, I hate, I hate: Reckless drivers (I could have died the other week when a reckless bus driver almost sidewiped my car!). Uneducated cab drivers who can’t tell a red from a green light (colorblind?). Smoke belchers. Money-motivated policemen hiding in dark streets waiting to catch you beat the red light. Old, grouchy immigration and customs personnel at the airport. (In other countries, their front liners are young, beautiful, truly inviting people! Attention: Department of Tourism).

Jumping lines (singitan nang singitan). Power tripping (Hoy! Di mo ba ako kilala?). Palakasan (using influential people). Media sensationalism. Tabloid journalism. Lackluster, gory, repulsive, yucky, nonsensical TV shows. Gaya-gaya (copycat) show formats. Invasion of privacy by TV camera crews (unconstitutional!). Below-the-belt TV stations’ rivalry. I hate it that almost every little Filipina girl’s dream is to be s Sex Bomb dancer or a Japayuki. Yuck.

Too many awards shows that honor mediocre work, films, and personalities. Too many unsolved mysteries: Ninoy Aquino’s assassination, Marcos’s hidden wealth, Nida Blanca’s murder, etc. Too many hearings in the Senate: What happened to the Brunei-yuki, Ador, and jueteng hearings (they start off with a lot of noise, then everybody becomes quiet afterwards; I wonder what silences them.)

The pretentiousness of some Filipinos, and their hollow and superficial values (mga nagmumurang Louis Vuitton). Not enough museums and art and science exhibitions to quench the thirsty soul and tickle the imagination. Slow election returns that allow for cheating. Vote buying, vote selling. Starstruck people voting for showbiz folks who may not even be qualified for government office. Greedy, obnoxious politicians and their power-wielding alalays (sidekicks). And overbearing queridas (mistresses).

I hate that Filipinos never learn. How many Payatas garbage dump landslides, and how many more Quezon Province and Ormoc floods should occur, killing hundreds of people, before Filipinos learn that the ecology and environment are important to life? How many more inter-island vessels should sink or catch fire before the concerned authorities become really strict with safety measures and strengthen disaster control?

I LOVE / I HATE

Ah, but I both love and hate: Filipino time. I hate it when someone is late and I am in a hurry to do many other things; I love it as a backup reason every time I am late. And balikbayan boxes — they are such an eyesome (wa poise) but forgivable if stuffed with wonderful goodies to be shared with relatives and friends!

Pessimism Strikes Back

After moments of optimism, pessimism attack again. Should I say “He, he, he”? My cerebrum again urges me to leave the chorale, even if my hypothalamus doesn’t want me to. The reasons? Well, aside from those I gave from my previous posts, I’ll get very tired if I’ll do that. My new schedule is tiring that I’ll have to wake up at least 4 a.m. just to be early for my 7 a.m. class. Travel is about one and a half hour. Three-fourths of my daily schedule is from 7 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. Wednesdays and Saturdays should be my rest days, but I have to give it for the rehearsals. Also, this school year will have more expenses than before now that I’m already a sophomore.

Pardon me.

Jaded

Today, I’m almost totally impatient of my frustrations. This is accompanied by the weather’s heat. I’m tired of anticipating for the good things to come. Our computer technician was supposed to come last Tuesday. But, his vehicle was broken so he needs to fix it first. I understand because it’s his way to make a living. Thus, I still have to wait for a few more days to see our PC functioning again. I admit also that I’m desperately waiting for my new cellphone. Seven months could be fatal. Hopefully, it’s one with a camera so I could share moments of reverie with others. I’m also anxious of going back to school. I’m still not ready to face peer pressure. In the same manner, I’m still suffering from being stuck in the middle of consequences.

Sigh! Well, I believe that everything happens in God’s due time.

Acute Protrusion of Optimism

My parasympathetic nervous system seems to have dominated over me again. I’m again thinking about the positive sides of being a chorale member and how I can benefit from it disregarding my frustrations.

It’s nice being a chorale member. Not only will you learn to sing in tune, but also will have a group of dependable friends. Never mind the expenses because they pay off with security, laughter, and fame. You’ll also have the assurance to receive partial scholarship provided you attend rehearsals and performances regularly. Also, you’ll be taught by a very kind musical instructor whom cannot be found from other chorale groups. But the best reason for me not to leave the chorale is someone special.

In spite of those compliments, I’m still stuck in between. I hope to find the answers real soon.

Wasted Moments

Right now, I’m at the balcony of our house. It’s late sunset and I’m staring at the scattered purple clouds above the horizon with a bluish twilight on the background. It gives me a lot of meaning. As I turned my head halfway to the left, I can see the orange post street light where moths are happily playing about. This view inspires me to write poems.

Sigh! I wish I had my own camera phone right now so I can quickly get a picture of everything that inspires me. I love to share moments of my reverie in a way others can understand and appreciate. I also need my PC fixed as soon as possible. Hello! It’s already school time. Oh! I also need a USB cable, infrared port, or Bluetooth port for my PC so I can transfer the pictures and files from my would-be cellphone. Do you wonder how I got my previous posts here? I rent at a computer shop or take all down on a notebook and just post them when my PC is fixed.

I’ll just pray that God grants my wishes. It all depends on my mother. Ma, hurry up! I can’t wait anymore!

Stuck in the Middle of Consequences

It’s been a year since I became a member of the Lyceum of the Philippines Chorale. It’s really one of the greatest experiences of my life. I have learned to sing properly, listen to sharps and flats, reach high notes, read notes, and have good voice modulation. I’ve experienced to have one of the best group of friends ever. I can sing in unison with other members on prestigious occasions, contests, and gigs. I also had the chance to go on a trip and have fun with them. I can feel that the chorale is my dwelling place during my stay in Lyceum.

But in life, we have choices. We have to make our decisions when we are to choose between situations. I like being in the chorale, but there’s an urge inside me to leave it. I’ve felt this since before and the former president knew it.

I really have a great passion for music. I’m a music lover since I was a kid. I have dreamed of being a singer someday. I have joined school bands. Now, I’m a member of a chorale. I didn’t like classical music but this event changed it.

However, since I joined the chorale, I encountered a lot of consequences. Our college dean strongly disagrees with our additional commitments because it will interfere with our academic focus. It didn’t bother me a lot not until the second semester. First, I had difficulty managing my time between academics and rehearsals. Sometimes, I have to leave a class on my major subject just to attend a performance in the auditorium. The quiz on the topic became very difficult for me. I also had a hard time studying my notes and the repertoire at the same time. A performance or gig that lasts until the wee hours is so tiring. It’s even more tiring if you have an early class the next day. Also, when some of the members plan to go out, peer pressure attacks me. So, I’m forced to spend my time and money. Although my parents appreciate my singing, we argue about my expenses and waste of time from joining the chorale. I know they’re right. I’m raised to be wise enough on being practical. They wanted me to quit. But one problem depresses me much. It’s my problem on relationship with some members. I think they don’t allow me to make myself ridiculous because they feel inferior of my intellect. But that’s my nature. So, I’m often left lagging behind. If that’s the case, it isn’t fair. I’m only human and I can’t live all by myself.

My apology to my fellow chorale members if you ever read this. I just wanted to cry my heart out. Please always be my friend whatever my decision is. I know some of you may be in worse situations than mine, but you still remain because you really like what you are doing. I like being in the chorale, but my priority is on my studies. I’ll never trade my academics to extracurricular activities. That’s a strong principle that molded in me since I was young. It is the foundation of my future. Besides, it’s what our parents wanted for us. God told us to honor our parents.

I’m stuck in the middles of consequences. May God lead the way.

"Ma, I have earache!"

Last night, both of my ears became very itchy. I think it’s because of the soap and water residue that’s stuck in my ears. The irritation caused them to produce cerumen. I was too lazy to search for cotton buds or a hairpin. There’s nothing else I can do but to use my stupid ingenuity. So, I used the upper tip of this ballpen that I’m using to poke my ears. The outcome—“wet cake”. However, the itch still persisted. So, I kept on poking until there’s no “cake” left to scrape.

The next morning, I woke up with terrible pain on both of my ears. It never ceased the whole day. So, I took a painkiller. When the effect faded, I drank one again. I looked up at the Reader’s Digest Family Medical Adviser book I got from one of my grandmothers. It was very useful. It was said there that ear injury from poking is caused by damaged ear flaps. Tht flaps will heal after some time. Lucky am I to know this!

My advice for parents is to take care of what children may hold. They might poke it into their ears and cause damage and even hearing loss.

Home Again

After two weeks of vacation in Iloilo, my beloved aunt (I call her Mama) and my younger cousin goes back home. I’m frustrated that I can’t have freedom in doing whatever I wanted inside the house anymore. But still, I’m happy that our family’s together again and everything went back to normal. Now that my tita (aunt) is home to do her job, I’m being attacked again by the indolence virus. That’s because my household chores will decrease eventually.

Mama brought home a lot of goodies from Iloilo’s finest delicacies stores, Guimaras, and Bacolod. They were biscocho, piaya, otap, meringue, pinasugbo, egg crackers, ugoy-ugoy, bread sticks, and fruit cake. There were also bananas, mangoes, and chicken adobo. She brings all of these everytime she comes home from our province. I hope I don’t get toothache. I don’t want to see my poor teeth be pulled out anymore.

Still, I thank God that they’re safe. From that short time, I learned again how to be independent.

Valuable Even At Death

I watched the documentary show “Kontrobersyal” on ABS-CBN last night. Two of their topics is about corpses.

The first topic is about burglars. They’re not burglars of houses, but of tombs! They steal body parts from corpses and use them to make a living. That’s pretty blasphemous, but for them it’s okay. They steal teeth, socks, and steel coverings of the coffins. Then, they sell it to students, dentists, merchants, and junk shops. If no one buys, they keep it. Some burglars are so rude. They just leave the corpses somewhere after taking them from the grave and benefiting from their parts. Even at death, our body may still become valuable and useful, but sometimes just for the selfish desires of people.

The second topic is a good one. It’s about how mausoleums are built with elegance. They are filled with amenities for the family. When I saw them, am I surprised! There is a mausoleum in a cemetery in Pampanga that looks like a two-story mansion. It has an entrance hall with pillars and glass windows. It’s complete with living room, dining room, kitchen, comfort rooms, entertainment room, recreation room, and a wide balcony. Even the chandelier in the middle of the ceiling costs almost a hundred thousand. The bedrooms? They are where the departed lie. The tombs are neatly covered by blankets and pillows to make them look like real beds. The other beds are reserved for the other members of the family who are still alive. There are also numerous vaults to accommodate all of their loved ones. Anyone who enters the mausoleum won’t feel any fear, but instead enjoy the coziness of a home. No wonder these structures amount to millions, even more expensive than ordinary houses. Of course, a caretaker and a security guard were hired to prevent the mausoleum from negative physical elements.

Sometimes, I go jogging on the cemetery nearby—the Manila Memorial Park. Memorial parks are perfect places to find fresh air and peaceful environment. When I see grave keepers, I wonder if they get fed up with their jobs or discover something extraordinarily nice about it. As I jog further, I see the elegant mausoleums. I even climb the rooftops of cute ones for a nice viewing of the place. As for the owners, these are priceless. This is a way to show their incomparable love for their family even at death.

Household Mystery

This morning, the boundary from the vehicle and the payment for the LPG disappeared right from the computer table. The loss may amount to a thousand pesos. I just received it from the dispatcher last night and put it there. No one knew who took it. Or, no one just wants to admit anything. No stranger has entered the house. We’re very sure of that. Included in the loss is the money for the load wallet in our store that happened a few days ago. I even joked that it was done by a poltergeist. But it’s impossible. A ghost could’ve stolen objects, but not money. Someone who needs a big amount of money for a special trip might be the suspect. Or maybe, it’s someone who has “great” plans for this coming school year.

Whoever it is, I understand. I even did the same before. But now, I turned my back from it. Anyway, this is just our own family problem.

An Awesome Event

Rachelle Ann Go is awesome. Her first major solo concert, entitled “The Ultimate Champion”, is very impressive. She did excellent renditions of Mariah Carey, pop, RnB, and current OPM hits. I totally enjoyed the part where she sang “Hoe Could You Say You Say You Love Me” with complete mimicry of the Celine Dion-oriented voice of Sarah Geronimo. Her guest singers—Mark Bautista, Christian Bautista, and Ogie Alcasid—did great jobs, too. The show is already showing at this moment on Studio 23.

What? You like to hear a comparison? Ok. Compared to Sarah Geronimo, Rachelle’s voice is more flexible. She can sing on almost all genre. I think she has better voice quality because aside from her matured and balanced voice modulation, her belting-out doesn’t sound irritating. However, Sarah has more charm for her smiling face and “pangmasa (for the masses)” beauty.

The Best Thriller Book Ever

Because of that incident, I planned to read again the Book of Revelation in the Bible. Believe me! This is the best thriller book ever! And it’s not fiction, but a real life story. What’s more, it’s the only non-fiction thriller that didn’t happen in the past but forecasted to happen in the future. Just imagine yourself in the scene of every suspense sci-fi thriller movies. This event of human history is the ultimate destiny of the world, the conclusion of God’s plans.

This is, indeed, but true. Scared? Me, too. I think I’m not yet ready …

Apocalyptic Dream

Before, I always had dreams about the end of the world. They were angels, devils, disasters, heaven, hell, or even God and Jesus Christ Themselves. It disappeared for some time. Now, they’re coming back. It happened after I’ve watched that religious TV program about the last days. It disturbs me somehow.

This afternoon I dreamed that the Philippines was completely submerged in a great flood due to a heavy rain that lasted for forty days. The highlands, like Baguio, are the ones left. Where am I? I’m like flying without wings—a spectator. I also see myself continuously rocketing into space and bouncing back to Earth with a great gravitational acceleration. Whoa! That made me very dizzy when I woke up.

No need to worry about anything. But I expect more dreams like this in the future. I found them quite thrilling. Does God want me to be one of His messengers, although I have lots of trespasses?

Close to Reconciliation

As I have promised, I will write my daily memoir starting June. I planned it for it somehow signifies a new beginning—a new challenge on the new level of college life.

Yesterday, I watched the teachings of the religious TV show and I thought of applying it on my daily life. That topic was about the sins of the people. Well, I think there’s no need to elaborate it anymore.

There is just someone who never talked to me for already about five years. We were very close before. But now, the communication line between us is gone. It started when I got fed up with that person’s mischievousness since we were kids. So, after about ten years of composure, I finally bawled out.

That person can last a decade without talking to someone that person hates. But I can’t! My heart’s not a hard rock that can last for years without weathering. These days, I finally decided to make us reconcile, though I think I haven’t any fault. I did a lot of ways hoping that it will come true.

I know God’s words are powerful. So today, I got my pocket Bible and searched for a topic about forgiveness. I gave that person a verse about the topic.

MARK 11:25-26
²⁵”And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.
²⁶But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.”

I knew that person read it, but that person gave it to others. Yet, I made a note that it should be first be done before passing it to others. Then, I stapled it on that person’s bed.

Whatever happens, my conscience is clear. Everyone has freewill to decide. At least, I’ve shown my sincerity to do what is right.